Perfectly Imperfect...

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09/24/09--07:09: Blogs Deleted... Clean slate anyone? (chan 2683294)

Wow,,, How controversial...

Anyways... Fresh start... I'm done ranting about my inner anxieties and angers.... It's time fore me to start doing things in a new light... And what better way than to revamp your blog, right?

It's time to clean out the toxins!



09/24/09--21:49: ~_________~ (chan 2683294)




09/24/09--21:49: Mga Fefe (chan 2683294)




09/24/09--21:49: Pet Society Photos (chan 2683294)




09/24/09--21:49: my classmates! (chan 2683294)




09/24/09--21:52: My Musix (chan 2683294)

A mix of gothic, hardcore and indie


09/25/09--06:09: The moment I grew.... (chan 2683294)

Growing is not an overnight thing... That was a lesson taught to me by the best teacher of them all... You cannot say, "Hey ya'll! I listened to *insert name here* last night and hell I am a changed man!" It doesn't happen like that. You can't look at life through rose-colored glasses, it's impossible! And if it was even a percent plausible, honey, you need book-thick glasses to filter out all life's crap.And as sure as the stars in the sky aren't really twinkling, that if you said that you grew but kept the same company your whole life, you are lying. Because in truth, growth happens in different paces.

Some people grow in the right crowd. Examples are such as my co-yfcs. Good people, some of them are. Some grow by themselves, treated wrongly by the rest of the world. Just like Einstein, who was a school drop-out and a weirdo. There are also people who grow in bad company. Yes, it's possible. But there are also people like me, whose growth process is traumatically twisted.

I started...


10/28/09--05:21: I still like him... (chan 2683294)

Have you ever experienced having a friend whom you feel so comfortable with? So comfortable that it doesn't bother you when he sits close? I had one in third year hs.

He wasn't flashy. Nope, he was every bit as awkward as I was. I didn't stand out much, neither did he. But between the two of us, we could always notice each other. It wasn't difficult being close to him, if that's what we were. He reserves a smile for me as I do for him. We were such children as to pinch or punch each other playfully on the arm whenever we met. Needless to say, I liked him. I dreamed for it to be mutual, but I always thought of it as one-sided.

But everything stops when you mature. At 4th year, I became aware of other people. My boundaries and limitations were stretched so far that he was just among the faces. And I knew I was too. But you see, I still liked him and his awkwardness. Even though my world was vast, I watched him from the corner of my eye.

Three years have passed, and here I am with all my a...


11/04/09--01:18: Wordsmiths Challenge #12 (chan 2683294)


They abandoned me for the reasons
That I cannot see
They abandoned my love and the comfort I give
For a brand new place to live

The things I used to do for them
They've forgotten all in all
But still I wait here in this place
Of nothingness, all alone

The seasons change, but I'm still here
Thrown without remorse
The leaves turn green then brown and red
With companions only crows

But then she came, a lonely child
She ran away from home
She cried all night, her bruises bright
The streets she always roamed

She went on by just yesterday,
Grown tired from the world
No one ever looked for her
Alone they left the girl

That night I beckoned her to come
She didn't notice me
For I was under a thousand leaves
I couldn't shake them free

The wind seemed kind that night when it
Came rushing down at me
The leaves were gone, She could see me!
But her eyes stared wearily

She looked both ways before she walked
Towards me so slowly
She laid herself down on my cushions
Whispered goodnight to me

In her dream I heard her say
"My blue li...


11/08/09--00:15: Challenge # 70 (a/n: not based on personal experience but collection of it around the globe. ) (chan 2683294)

SEE BEYOND

I have lived all of my life alone... I never tried to reach out and I never really did crave for attention. I was nice and happy in my little corner in the library.

I'm rebellious. I don't care what you think. I hate commitments. I hate attachments. I fool around with guys and I leave after. Breaking a heart isn't so hard and I will do it all over again if I have to.

I am independent. I don't need anyone. I can stand up on my own and I am not afraid to show you pain. I know no fear, but even if I do at times I wouldn't tell you. I am strong. Being by myself is no problem.

I sell my dignity not because I have to but because I want to. Relationships are but a blur to me and honestly I am better off whoring around. Guys are my puppets and I am their queen. They're all the same to me.

I work for myself and only myself. I hate my family and even though they write me letters about my father being sick, I feel no pain. Why? Because I have no feelings for them and I don't need them. ...


11/08/09--04:34: Imagine (chan 2683294)





11/08/09--04:40: Unfathomable (chan 2683294)

Expect the unexpected
You keep saying that
Yet how can you expect
What is unexpected?
If an unexpected is expected
Then
It wouldn't be unexpected anymore
Don't tell me what to do
You can't even carry
The burden of your own
I cannot see your face
In my thoughts anymore
I cannot hear you voice
Calling out my name
And yet your existence is still clear
And the blood in my veins aches
For your touch
You affect me so but
Loving you is unfathomable
Unexpected
And you said I should expect it
I loved you
And the passion was strong
The vain apparition of your soul
Telling me to fall deeper into you
When you obviously haven't
Wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't
It was a thin line
How I conquered my throbbing heart
It was not easy
You were a drug I couldn't help but take
But you made me ill
Sicker than I have ever been
How could I fall for someone
So unfathomable



11/10/09--05:08: Depressed, just another blog,,, BEWARE: RANT ALERT (chan 2683294)

I'm so depressed... I don't know what to do... I know it was my fault... And I hate myself for it...

My after effects crashed and 3 days of hard work disappeared... I only managed to recover half the file, a backup from before... The real file couldn't open, saying the file is corrupt... The file was needed tonight! I tried real hard to finish the working file but it was too late... They told me to just finish it and pass it tomorrow. Clearly, they were disappointed.

But what really hurts is that I worked on it for it three days... Considering that two of those are school days and the other one is a family day, I had not much time to do it. But as God as my witness I stayed up late to work on it. I've never worked on something for 3 hours straight without stopping. I did it alone.. And it was my first time making a video. And my views have changed... It was hard. You have to watch the footage, create a story board, listen to the BG song a LOT of times, Check the tempo and beat of the ...


11/12/09--07:25: OL Diary # 1 (chan 2683294)

I'm thinking about leaving for a while again. Why? Maybe because of 'that'. Maybe I couldn't take the disappointment anymore or th lack of proper communication and coordination

The fact is that I couldn't feel anything here. Nothing at all. And maybe it's because even the ones who are supposed to be fired up aren't really into it. It really ruins the mood when someone who was supposed to be the top dog becomes empty, wanting for something more than it all.

I want a place that is filled with commitment, not half-baked. So I think I will go back. To the place where I really feel it. But I'm not sure. I want to think first. Nice and hard...





11/13/09--18:51: Challenge # 15 (chan 2683294)

I want to scream

I want to call out

Please save me

And yet I couldn't

My heart yearns for you

For your touch

But still

The world fades away with only me in the dark

I want you to understand

I want to be closer to you

But I'm paralyzed

In a stand-still

Waiting for you to look

Waiting for you to notice me

I'm so close

And yet so far

You are just there

But still out of reach

I hope that someday

In just one moment

You'd finally look

Even though you look away

And until then

I'll wait

From this distance

I will watch

Tenderly

From the outside




11/15/09--02:34: first video (chan 2683294)

This is the first video I've ever done... And it was a nice


11/22/09--06:46: I am a manga dork and a murderous freak (chan 2683294)

I've been reading romance mangas again. *DORK* And honestly, it's really great. Even with all the cliches and the crying, there's always that happy ending. (as I've said, DORK)

But the thing is... Whenever I'm reading a manga and get all freaky and fangirl-y, I get all depressed and bitter...  It's as if a drawer in my heart opened up and the feelings inside it all gushes out. I think I figured out why. In the stories, there is always that one person who sticks by the main character and reminds her each and every time that she's special and appreciates all that she is. *drama queen*

Enough with the drama and the bitterness!!!

Anywhoo... I want to try something new, something I haven't done before. And then there was that invite that I accepted concerning a thing about that thing for some event. (Ambiguous much?) But moving on, I accepted (YAY!) and I plan to friggin' do my best in it. Though I'm pretty sure I'd be the odd one out with no friends, awkwardly trying to be pleasant in t...


11/28/09--06:39: If It Was Me (chan 2683294)

Our love, you know, beyond all doubt
Was wrong and cruel but dear
Now as we part our hands withdraw
There wasn't any fear

I went home then and went to bed
I couldn't stare her in the eye
For I know that with our love so wrong
If she knew then she would cry

That night I swore I heard a laugh
A chuckle so dark and deep
I straightened up and looked around
This creature who broke my sleep

And there by the end of my bed
A devil that's small in size
Looked at me so savagely
As if I were a prize

"Child, you fool, you brought this on
yourself so don't repent.
This sin, so vile, is yours to pay
Your soul then if you can't."

"It had to be done!" I screamed at it
The devil snorted a laugh
He danced around my bed as if
Victory is in its lap

The morning came and I woke up
The dream was all but real
But as I got out of my bed
The world to a still

Blood, I thought, I smell it now
The horror is in the room
My lover sprawled there in the ground
The room was but his tomb

And in my hands I held a knife
I knew beyond all doubt
I killed th...


12/08/09--06:58: War Baby (chan 2683294)

There was a moment of silence
Before the war began
And as the time's nearer
There stands a lone man

He held his can dearly
As if death was here
And the tension was ringing
There was nothing but fear

Children, all shivering,
Yearns for their mothers
And fathers who are out
Couldn't be seen from the shutters

And I were one of them
An orphan almost
I could almost remember
The potatoes and roast

Of the good times, were peace
And dinner always served
But now it was nearly over
I could hear it from the curb

There was silence,
But what's worse
Would Mom
Or Dad die first?


01/16/10--06:37: Tale of the End (chan 2683294)

It's been years
But still it haunts me
How it ended
Not how it began
It started as a love story
And ended in tragedy
Would you like me
to tell you a story?
Of the end
Not the beginning
I met you
Fell in love
With a monster in you
We fought against it
Cried about it
To no avail
But we found the answer
The only cure
But to use it
You would have to give something
in return
Equivalent exchange
I said don't
Stay the same
And you nodded
and stayed silent
But that night
You came to the shore
You were there
With a solemn face
Then you did it
The cure
"Don't forget."
You chanted over and over again
You fainted
You woke up
Looked at me
In silence
Tears came silently
It was then clear
With your words
"Who are you?"
The memories of me
Gone from your mind
Love for me
Gone with it
Like a headstone
In the middle of nowhere
My existence to you
Became unknown



01/16/10--06:55: Dying of Thirst (chan 2683294)

It has taken the best of me
Not just a drop but everything
I dehydrate with the sole memory
Of a thirst-quenching drink of bitter ale
I've been wrung out to the core
And thrown aside for more
And they repeat it again and again
No water to spare, no love to share
I've been dying of thirst
Ever since I gave up on my dreams
Ever since I gave up reaching out
Running after fantasies
And reality got the best of me
I'm dying but I'm living
A standard stand-still
An eternal twilight
I'm dying, but I won't
Like a cruel torture
But today, I'll drink and day-dream
For the day, I fight for my dreams
I won't be dying of thirst




04/04/10--05:53: This is a song that I composed…. It’s an early... • Perfectly Imperfect (chan 2683294)

please give me


04/22/10--08:37: The Mad Hatter as a woman (chan 2683294)

She went merrily wherever she goes...
Up the hill, down the hill, it didn't matter.
Her obliviousness was her most cherished characteristic, and for her, ignorance really is bliss.
There are no wheels in her world, no ups and downs.
There are only images and doodles that floats around with tiny wings.
Her day is made up of bumming out, roaming with out direction and creating songs with no meaning.
But for her, it made perfect sense.
Time is not of the essence in her mindset.

This is her defense mechanism. Sanity is her enemy.
Reality is at war with her, and time cannot capture her in her world.
She prances around with no master and her heart is chained from the inside.

But sometimes, it catches up. And her world crumbles down.
She always get back up though, so worry not.
Buckets of tears, stone-heavy heart meets her for twenty days and twenty nights.

But at the twenty-first day, she shines once more.
Overcoming the storm, no, pushing the storm so far at the back of her mind, and leaves...